Monday, July 24, 2017

Pioneer Day: Blazing a Trail of My Own

Part 1

Gay pride. Mormon pride through Pioneer Day. Birthdays and Anniversaries. Graduations and Promotions. Special interest groups and continuing education. Choral ensembles and book clubs. Die hard sports fans and rock n' rollers. Free-spirited dreamers and conservative realists. The dynamic extroverts we admire. The mysterious introverts who fascinate us.

It's fun to consider who we are, how we were raised, and how we each see the world differently based on those factors. Our own beliefs, interests, political views, relationships, and hobbies can shape how others view us. I am fascinated by the many ways we allow events, holidays, traditions, ceremonies, and other rites of passage to give us reason to pause, reflect, consider, change, and grow.

In the past couple of years, I have felt a considerable amount of heartache about the church that I was raised in and came to love and serve for years. Today, I put all of that aside and I consider what I have in common with those early pioneers. Their drive, their spirit, their conviction, their sacrifice, their willingness, their tenacity, their faith, their hopes and dreams, their love of God. It's staggering to consider. And even if I disagree with certain aspects of the doctrine or, more commonly, the culture of the LDS church…

…today, I sing a song of pride and appreciation for my Mormon upbringing.

I allow gratitude to flush through my body as I consider how my experiences as a gay Mormon have helped me become someone who can blaze his own trail. I strive to do so in a way where others would want to join my journey, but I don't always succeed.

The focus of this blog (and the way I try to live my life for that matter) is to continually remind others that diversity and being different is a beautiful opportunity. Having different beliefs and traditions than our neighbors should be something that brings us closer together as co-citizens of God's green earth rather than divide us as enemies who are governed by hurtful dogma. In that spirit, I wish to say in celebration:

Happy Pioneer Day to all of my dear LDS friends and family!

May we all consider what path we're on and just reflect on how different and yet, at times, how similar our journeys can be? How fortunate and maybe even, how divine we could feel when our destinations might be similar, but our individual paths to get there end up looking a little different from each other? In some cases, maybe our destinations aren't the same. But when our paths cross with someone who is headed in a different direction, how powerful would it be if we could look at each other and say:

"Hey, that's not where I'm going, but I wish you a fun and rewarding journey. Send me a postcard and one day, we'll have some wonderful tales to tell each other.

To those who have gone before me, thank you for showing me how to blaze my own trail of conviction. The persecution I've endured and the sacrifices I've made for what I truly believe in my heart of hearts has been worth it. I hope to one day be regarded as a pioneer to future generations because of the messages I'm trying to send, and even more so, because of the way I live my life. I've gained far more than I ever lost in following the trail I know is right for me. I am finally finding my own inner-Zion and I can't help but feel...All is well, all is well.

Part 2

Note from Nate:

Part 1 was taken from a Facebook post I wrote earlier today. I've had a few additional thoughts as I've considered what Pioneer Day means to me. Here they are:

I chose the image at the top of this post because it's symbolic. Some may consider my path to be too unsafe. They may wonder why I can't or won't take the carefully planned and paved streets within the safety of the local neighborhood while sitting in a protective car with a/c, stereo, and all the extras. And, they won't always be able to understand why my path needs to be a little further outside the local neighborhood at times. I'm mindful that cars break down and accidents happen, but ultimately, they see this approach as the safer way. This is figurative, of course.

Let's have a little more fun with this analogy...

I have discovered that the "car" path mentioned above may get me to where I want to go at the end of the day, so why wouldn't I take it? I guess it's because I have come to the point where I want to enjoy the ride as well. So, while my destination is the same, I'm almost no longer comfortable in that car. After all, in this analogy, it's as if everyone in the car wears a seat belt, but mine doesn't click or lock. Therefore, I'd just rather walk sometimes. I feel safer.

Hear me on this my dear loved ones who are having a hard time with my sexual orientation:

Every natural AND godly instinct I possess tells me to take a path that isn't as commonly traveled. Not only that, I feel like it's time to get out of the car for a little while and travel my path by foot.

When I was 14, I used to walk home from school, and my favorite part of the daily trek was when I hit the railroad track that ran along the east side of my neighborhood. I eschewed the sidewalks and blocks in favor of the allure and variety of these train tracks. It was during this time that I'd think about the gospel as taught in my church, who I wanted to be, who I should be, and who I was afraid I was deep down inside.

There was something therapeutic and peaceful about taking the tracks home for that final mile every day. However, this "path" can be treacherous and unforgiving at times. Big, loud trains hustle by and sometimes, tragedy strikes. In these proverbial instances, I have observed the others who sit in the safety of their cars and watch on, wondering why anyone would ever take the train track path in the first place.

Today, in addition to honoring and remembering the Mormon pioneers, I also wish to express that I stand strong on the shoulders of my LGBT forebears. They created a path that I can follow more safely. Rail by rail and tie by tie, these beautiful creatures lovingly and painstakingly laid down a railroad track of sorts. Now, in 2017, at age 40, I believe with all my heart that I can get to the same destination as those who warned me not to take the path I'm on.

The specific path and scenery looks a little different. In addition, the comforts, possibilities, preferences, circumstances, challenges, roadblocks, and overall traffic along the way will be similar in some ways and vastly different in other ways. But we'll all get home in time for dinner.

To me, it's very simple. Think of two travelers and the trails they're on:

Same destination, same path? Ok, sure. If that's what both of them want, and it's what will help them both feel that this is the most successful approach. But why should one be forced by the other traveler to follow the same path? Or, why should one traveler be condemned by the other if he doesn't agree with the map?

Same destination, different path? We were intentionally created to be different from each other, after all. Could it be that God doesn't need us all to follow the exact same path? Or, maybe there is one big path (i.e. Jesus Christ for someone like myself) with a bunch of smaller paths that can lead to thee "Big Path". If our individual paths vary here on earth, can't they vary in beautiful ways in the hereafter as well?

Different destination, different path? I'd be curious where each of the travelers came from and where they WANT to go before having an opinion. Can we try a little harder to get INTO the hearts and minds of loved ones who walk a different path and learn WHY their journey needs to be different? Wouldn't we appreciate their point of view a little more? Can we go a step further and maintain control, love, and compassion when someone's ultimate destination doesn't line up with our religious beliefs or worldviews?

Gay pioneers. Mormon pioneers. Today, I celebrate them both:

I smile when I think about the path of a devout, temple-attending Mormon man who loves being married and having a family. He works hard to provide for his family and to be the kind of man his upbringing, religion, and personal convictions lead him to be. I cheer with joy at the prospect of this man's family truly being together in the hereafter, and if a sealing in the temple helps to assure them of this promise, and if this man believes even deeper than that and feels with all his heart that this sealing ceremony was revealed by God Himself, I applaud that. You go, boy! I can see how comforting this approach would be for this man's day to day life. It's not rose-tinted and perfect. Actually, this approach can just as readily be full of trials with demonstrations of humility, obedience, sacrifice, and other virtues I esteem to be godly. What a beautiful path.

I also smile when I think about the path of a gay man who used to attend the Mormon church but no longer does so. If the man in this description is anything like me, his decision was based on a lifetime of experiences, circumstances, beliefs, boundaries, conditions (his own biology and genetic make-up mixed in with some 'nature vs. nurture' struggles as examples), and overall rejection and heartache. This man isn't willing to just to be spectator, he demands and commands enough respect and self-worth to refuse second-class status. Therefore, his heart leads him to find God in different ways. I feel hope when this man believes that God is just as accessible to him now as when he was on his LDS mission. I see the beauty of this man finding his partner and making their way together on a new, shared path, with new rules and new possibilities that will lead to a much happier place in life AND in the hereafter. What a beautiful path.

But if either man forced his path on the other and rejected all other paths and possibilities that could lead one back to God, suddenly...it's not as beautiful or individual.

I close with my favorite lyrics from "Come, Come Ye Saints". I read them and feel intense peace that maybe someday, maybe even soon...God could help me and my future husband find our way forward in a safer, more loving place than the Great Salt Lake can sometimes be.

This part of the hymn has become very 'West Side Story' to me. Remember the hopeful and longing words of "Somewhere"? There's a place for us, somewhere...a place for US. Me and my guy, where we are not made to feel less than or persecuted or ashamed. The best part:

We’ll find the place which God for us prepared, far away in the West,
Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid; there, the Saints will be blessed.

I don't know where my "West" is just yet, or who my special "saint" will be, but I'm walking my path in the best possible way I can. I look to God, I try to love people and share what I can in the way of possessions and talents, and I face the direction I feel is best for me.

Like my gay and Mormon pioneer heroes, I try (and fail sometimes) to put my faith in God and take it one day at a time. I feel confident that the path I am on will ultimately end up in my favor as long as I strive to always carry this pioneer spirit while simultaneously appreciating the differences in someone else's journey.

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