Part
1
Gay pride. Mormon pride through Pioneer Day. Birthdays and
Anniversaries. Graduations and Promotions. Special interest groups and
continuing education. Choral ensembles and book clubs. Die hard sports fans and
rock n' rollers. Free-spirited dreamers and conservative realists. The dynamic
extroverts we admire. The mysterious introverts who fascinate us.
It's fun to consider who we are, how we were raised, and how we
each see the world differently based on those factors. Our own beliefs,
interests, political views, relationships, and hobbies can shape how others
view us. I am fascinated by the many ways we allow events, holidays,
traditions, ceremonies, and other rites of passage to give us reason to pause,
reflect, consider, change, and grow.
In the past couple of years, I have felt a considerable amount
of heartache about the church that I was raised in and came to love and serve
for years. Today, I put all of that aside and I consider what I have in common
with those early pioneers. Their drive, their spirit, their conviction, their
sacrifice, their willingness, their tenacity, their faith, their hopes and
dreams, their love of God. It's staggering to consider. And even if I disagree
with certain aspects of the doctrine or, more commonly, the culture of the LDS
church…
…today, I sing a song of pride and appreciation for my Mormon
upbringing.
I allow gratitude to flush through my body as I consider how my
experiences as a gay Mormon have helped me become someone who can blaze his own
trail. I strive to do so in a way where others would want to join my journey,
but I don't always succeed.
The focus of this blog (and the way I try to live my life for
that matter) is to continually remind others that diversity and being different
is a beautiful opportunity. Having different beliefs and traditions than our
neighbors should be something that brings us closer together as co-citizens of
God's green earth rather than divide us as enemies who are governed by hurtful dogma.
In that spirit, I wish to say in celebration:
Happy Pioneer Day to all of my dear LDS friends and family!
May we all consider what path we're on and just reflect on how
different and yet, at times, how similar our journeys can be? How fortunate and
maybe even, how divine we could feel when our destinations might be similar, but
our individual paths to get there end up looking a little different from each
other? In some cases, maybe our destinations aren't the same. But when our
paths cross with someone who is headed in a different direction, how powerful
would it be if we could look at each other and say:
"Hey, that's not where I'm going, but I wish you a fun and
rewarding journey. Send me a postcard and one day, we'll have some wonderful tales
to tell each other.
To those who have gone before me, thank you for showing me how
to blaze my own trail of conviction. The persecution I've endured and the
sacrifices I've made for what I truly believe in my heart of hearts has been
worth it. I hope to one day be regarded as a pioneer to future generations
because of the messages I'm trying to send, and even more so, because of the
way I live my life. I've gained far more than I ever lost in following the
trail I know is right for me. I am finally finding my own inner-Zion and I
can't help but feel...All is well, all is well.
Part 2
Note
from Nate:
Part
1 was taken from a Facebook post I wrote earlier today. I've had a few
additional thoughts as I've considered what Pioneer Day means to me. Here they
are:
I
chose the image at the top of this post because it's symbolic. Some may
consider my path to be too unsafe. They may wonder why I can't or won't take
the carefully planned and paved streets within the safety of the local
neighborhood while sitting in a protective car with a/c, stereo, and all the
extras. And, they won't always be able to understand why my path needs to be a
little further outside the local neighborhood at times. I'm mindful that cars
break down and accidents happen, but ultimately, they see this approach as the
safer way. This is figurative, of course.
Let's
have a little more fun with this analogy...
I
have discovered that the "car" path mentioned above may get me to
where I want to go at the end of the day, so why wouldn't I take it? I guess
it's because I have come to the point where I want to enjoy the ride as well.
So, while my destination is the same, I'm almost no longer comfortable in that
car. After all, in this analogy, it's as if everyone in the car wears a seat
belt, but mine doesn't click or lock. Therefore, I'd just rather walk
sometimes. I feel safer.
Hear
me on this my dear loved ones who are having a hard time with my sexual
orientation:
Every natural AND godly instinct I possess tells me to take a
path that isn't as commonly traveled. Not only that, I feel like it's time to
get out of the car for a little while and travel my path by foot.
When
I was 14, I used to walk home from school, and my favorite part of the daily
trek was when I hit the railroad track that ran along the east side of my
neighborhood. I eschewed the sidewalks and blocks in favor of the allure and
variety of these train tracks. It was during this time that I'd think about the
gospel as taught in my church, who I wanted to be, who I should be, and who I
was afraid I was deep down inside.
There
was something therapeutic and peaceful about taking the tracks home for that
final mile every day. However, this "path" can be treacherous and
unforgiving at times. Big, loud trains hustle by and sometimes, tragedy
strikes. In these proverbial instances, I have observed the others who sit in
the safety of their cars and watch on, wondering why anyone would ever take the
train track path in the first place.
Today,
in addition to honoring and remembering the Mormon pioneers, I also wish to
express that I stand strong on the shoulders of my LGBT forebears. They created
a path that I can follow more safely. Rail by rail and tie by tie, these
beautiful creatures lovingly and painstakingly laid down a railroad track of
sorts. Now, in 2017, at age 40, I believe with all my heart that I can get to
the same destination as those who warned me not to take the path I'm on.
The
specific path and scenery looks a little different. In addition, the comforts,
possibilities, preferences, circumstances, challenges, roadblocks, and overall
traffic along the way will be similar in some ways and vastly different in
other ways. But we'll all get home in time for dinner.
To
me, it's very simple. Think of two travelers and the trails they're on:
Same
destination, same path? Ok, sure. If that's what both of them want, and it's what will help them both feel that this is the most
successful approach. But why should one be forced by the other traveler to follow
the same path? Or, why should one traveler be condemned by the other if he
doesn't agree with the map?
Same
destination, different path? We were intentionally created to be
different from each other, after all. Could it be that God doesn't need us all
to follow the exact same path? Or, maybe there is one big path (i.e. Jesus
Christ for someone like myself) with a bunch of smaller paths that can lead to
thee "Big Path". If our individual paths vary here on earth, can't
they vary in beautiful ways in the hereafter as well?
Different
destination, different path? I'd be curious where each of the
travelers came from and where they WANT to go before having an opinion. Can we
try a little harder to get INTO the hearts and minds of loved ones who walk a
different path and learn WHY their journey needs to be different? Wouldn't we
appreciate their point of view a little more? Can we go a step further and
maintain control, love, and compassion when someone's ultimate destination doesn't
line up with our religious beliefs or worldviews?
Gay
pioneers. Mormon pioneers. Today, I celebrate them both:
I smile when I think about the path of a devout,
temple-attending Mormon man who loves being married and having a family. He
works hard to provide for his family and to be the kind of man his upbringing,
religion, and personal convictions lead him to be. I cheer with joy at the
prospect of this man's family truly being together in the hereafter, and if a
sealing in the temple helps to assure them of this promise, and if this man
believes even deeper than that and feels with all his heart that this sealing
ceremony was revealed by God Himself, I applaud that. You go, boy! I can see
how comforting this approach would be for this man's day to day life. It's not
rose-tinted and perfect. Actually, this approach can just as readily be full of
trials with demonstrations of humility, obedience, sacrifice, and other virtues
I esteem to be godly. What a beautiful path.
I also smile when I think about the path of a gay man who used
to attend the Mormon church but no longer does so. If the man in this
description is anything like me, his decision was based on a lifetime of
experiences, circumstances, beliefs, boundaries, conditions (his own biology
and genetic make-up mixed in with some 'nature vs. nurture' struggles as
examples), and overall rejection and heartache. This man isn't willing to just
to be spectator, he demands and commands enough respect and self-worth to
refuse second-class status. Therefore, his heart leads him to find God in
different ways. I feel hope when this man believes that God is just as
accessible to him now as when he was on his LDS mission. I see the beauty of
this man finding his partner and making their way together on a new, shared
path, with new rules and new possibilities that will lead to a much happier
place in life AND in the hereafter. What a beautiful path.
But
if either man forced his path on the other and rejected all other paths and
possibilities that could lead one back to God, suddenly...it's not as beautiful
or individual.
I
close with my favorite lyrics from "Come, Come Ye Saints". I
read them and feel intense peace that maybe someday, maybe even soon...God
could help me and my future husband find our way forward in a safer, more
loving place than the Great Salt Lake can sometimes be.
This
part of the hymn has become very 'West Side Story' to me. Remember the hopeful
and longing words of "Somewhere"? There's a place for us,
somewhere...a place for US. Me and my guy, where we are not made to feel less
than or persecuted or ashamed. The best part:
We’ll find the place which God for us prepared, far away in the
West,
Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid; there, the Saints
will be blessed.
I
don't know where my "West" is just yet, or who my special
"saint" will be, but I'm walking my path in the best possible way I
can. I look to God, I try to love people and share what I can in the way of
possessions and talents, and I face the direction I feel is best for me.
Like
my gay and Mormon pioneer heroes, I try (and fail sometimes) to put my faith in
God and take it one day at a time. I feel confident that the path I am on will
ultimately end up in my favor as long as I strive to always carry this pioneer
spirit while simultaneously appreciating the differences in someone else's
journey.
